


From Within the Darkness

by ArtemisRayne



Series: May Look at a King - A Newsies Felisian AU [29]
Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Felisians, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Arguing, Cat/Human Hybrids, Depression, Domestic Boyfriends, Established Relationship, Felisian!Jack, Felisians, M/M, Self-Harm, supportive boyfriends, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22620736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRayne/pseuds/ArtemisRayne
Summary: Every couple has this argument at some point in their relationship. Jack knows that. He just doesn't expect it to go downhill so fast, or to end like this.
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Series: May Look at a King - A Newsies Felisian AU [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1070205
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	From Within the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings in the tags

Jack feels like he should've expected this. After all, don't they always say this is an argument that every couple has at some point? So maybe Jack should've expected it to come up at some point. He just wasn't expecting it to go like this. 

The new semester is turning out to be a hard one. A class that Jack really needs for his degree winds up getting canceled, meaning he's going to have to put it off until next fall. He can't find another class he needs to fill the spot, leaving him short for the term and behind on what he'll need to graduate on time. He'll need to either make it up over the summer or have a really heavy semester next time. 

Davey, meanwhile, is running himself ragged. His double-major means he's got to be full-time every semester to keep up. Sophomore year is harder classes than last year, moving into the stuff that's more than general eds. His job at the Greek restaurant is a lot more hours than his work-study the year before, too. 

There's more than one night Jack has to physically drag Davey to bed because he stays up into the early hours of the morning to do his homework after work. Davey's stressed, always swimming close to anxiety attacks, barely sleeping and not eating enough and practically living off coffee. It's scary and painful, watching Davey burn himself to the ground. 

Jack gets home late from a study session with a couple of people from his Social Work Research class to find Davey sleeping at the dining table, head pillowed on an open textbook and a mug of cold coffee at his elbow. Sighing, Jack hangs his jacket and crouches by the table. "Davey, babe?" Jack says softly, setting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. 

Davey jerks awake, sitting up and blinking owlishly. "Jacky? What - when'd you get home?" 

"Just now," Jack responds. He pulls the other chair over and sits down beside Davey. "Babe, it's almost midnight. Don't you have an early class tomorrow? You should be in bed 'stead of nappin' on your books." 

"I'm fine, just gotta get this assignment finished before class," Davey says. He scrubs his wrist over his eyes and immediately reaches for the coffee. Taking a sip, he grimaces. "Ugh, gotta warm this up." 

Jack grabs Davey's arm before he can stand. "Dave, I'm serious. Ya can't keep goin' like this. You're gonna fry yourself. When's last time you ach'lly slept all night?" Davey opens his mouth, but Jack talks over him. "I can tell ya. Two weeks ago, that weekend the restaurant was closed. Was the last time we went to bed same time and you was still in bed when I woke up." 

"What do you want me to say, Jacky? I gotta get my homework done sometime," Davey says, half-hysterical. "You want me to start failin' my classes? My GPA drops and I lose my scholarship, and then I'll have to take out more student loans or drop out. I can't afford this shit on my own." 

"Hey, I know, babe," Jack says soothingly. He curls his fingers over Davey's on the tabletop, squeezing. "And I don't want you failin' classes. We'll figure it out, okay?" Jack's ears fold back, and he worries at his lower lip. "You should cut back your hours at the restaurant. Give ya more time t-" 

"No." The refusal is hard and flat, and Davey jerks his hand out of Jack's. The felisian snaps his ears forward, startled. "I'm barely making my half of the rent with the hours I've got." 

Jack huffs and flicks his tail. "Don't worry 'bout the rent. I can handle it. What I can't handle is watchin' you burn yourself out like this." 

"I'm not going to just let you pay for everything," Davey says fiercely. "I'm doing my part." 

"Jesus, Dave. I got this place before I even asked ya to move in," says Jack. "I rented it expectin' to pay it all myself. And havin' you here is great, it's been way easier to pay it with you doin' half. But you're killin' yourself. Look, just for this term. You're takin' way more credits than me. I got the time to pick up more hours at the Banner, and you can get more time for homework." 

"Jack, I'm not-" 

Growling in agitation, Jack shoves away from the table and stalks across the room. He takes a deep breath, carding a hand into his hair as he calms himself. His tail brushes against the back of his leg, fur extended to its fullest in an angry fluff, and Jack snorts in annoyance at the tell. "Wouldja just work with me here, babe?" the felisian asks, turning back to face Davey again. "It ain't like you're takin' advantage or just freeloadin' here. You been bustin' your ass, and I know it."

Davey stands up, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm not doing it. I can do this. I'll make it work." 

"Damn it, Dave, stop bein' so stubborn," Jack snaps. "I know ya got a thing about letting folks take care of you, but that's what couples do." 

"That's not what this is," Davey says, bristling. 

"Yeah, it is," Jack counters. "This is you gettin' all pissy about feelin' you're relying on someone."

"Fuck you!" Davey spits furiously. "Shut the fuck up!" 

"Then _listen_ to me," Jack shouts back. "I'm tryna help." 

Davey scoffs, and despite the sneer on his face, his eyes are damp. "No you're not, you're tryna prove you're better than me. I don't need you taking care of me." 

"Jesus Christ, this shit again?" Jack says incredulously, throwing his hands in the air. "I'm not tryna baby you. I can't - I ain't gonna just sit here and watch ya do this to yourself."

"Then don't watch," Davey snarls. 

The breath leaves Jack in a rush like he's been punched in the chest. The felisian squeezes his eyes shut, taking several long, slow breaths. He knows Davey doesn't really mean it, that he's just tired and stressed out, but it doesn't stop the words from hurting. Jack drops his ears, hunching in on himself defensively. "Fine," Jack says softly. "Fine, I ain't gonna watch then." 

Turning on his heel, Jack grabs his jacket and leaves.

* * *

Jack wakes up on the floor of Specs' dorm room the next morning, stiff despite the lumpy old beanbag chair he used as a bed. His eyes feel like sandpaper, and his head is pounding. He groans and stretches, flicking his tail out from where it got trapped beneath his leg. 

"I toldja you could've slept on the bed," Specs says from behind him, voice tinted with amusement. "You know I'm not that insecure about my sexuality." 

"I's slept on them dorm beds before, they ain't comfier than the floor," Jack counters blearily. "'Specially not with two folks. Love ya, buddy, but not enough to wanna spoon ya."

Specs chuckles. "Spoon _me_? Please, of the two of us, I'm totally the big spoon." Jack snorts and throws his pillow over his head in the direction of his best friend's voice. The dancer laughs again. "Hey, for real. How you feeling?" 

"Like I could use a really, really big coffee," the felisian answers. Stretching again, Jack rolls onto his other side so he can see Specs. His best friend is sitting up in bed, laptop open beside him and one headphone in. Even from down here, Jack can hear the classical piano piece. Must be working on something for his choreography class then. "Or maybe an Irish coffee." 

"Yeah, not sure they sell those in the caf," Specs says dryly. Jack huffs and flicks his ears irritably, scrubbing a hand over his eyes to wipe away the dried tear-tracks. "Know where I bet you could make one'a those? At home." 

The felisian grumbles. "I know, I get it," he says. He curls his tail up over his lap, smoothing down the thick white fur. "I don't wanna bug him if he ain't ready. It's not like he got other places to go to get away from me if he wanna." 

"You both know he could've come here as much as you could've," Specs points out. "I'm getting kind of used to being the one taking care of you idiots whenever you're fighting." 

"Sorry," Jack says, wincing. 

Specs rolls his eyes and throws the pillow back at the felisian. "I wasn't complaining, stupid," he says. "You're my best friend, that's what I'm here for." He plucks out his headphone and shuts the laptop, cutting off the music. "C'mon, Jack, you can't just avoid him."

"I'm not avoidin' him," Jack counters. "Just wanted to give him time to - ya know, cool down. Ain't no point fightin' with him when his anxiety's all up like that. Won't get us nowhere." 

"And leaving him home alone when he's close to a panic attack is?" Specs says, raising an eyebrow.

Jack recoils, tucking in on himself guiltily. "I dunno how to make him see he needs help," he says, looking up at Specs helplessly. "His panic attacks ain't stoppin', and he's stressin' himself to death, and I can't do nothin' but watch him get worse. I dunno how he don't see it." 

"You know how it is, Jacky," Specs says gently. "If someone doesn't wanna believe there's a problem, there's nothing you can do to help them." 

"Sure, but it ain't exactly easy to watch," Jack says, twirling the end of his tail through his fingers. "And I can't keep pressin' 'cause all it does is make him fight me more 'bout it." 

"I know." Specs frowns sympathetically and scoots down to sit on the floor in front of Jack. "I know, man, but you know he needs you too. Thought it was crazy the first time I met him, but it's true. You two are good for each other." 

The felisian exhales shakily. "I love him. I really do. And it fuckin' hurts seeing him like this and knowin' I can help if he'd just let me." 

"That's what you get for falling in love with someone stubborn as you," Specs says with a sly smile. Jack chuffs a laugh, shaking his head. "Go talk to him, Jacky. You know you're not gonna feel better until you do. Not even with a dozen Irish coffees." 

Jack laughs and ducks his head, tucking his ears back to his head. "You're pro'lly right." 

"I'm always right," Specs says, arching an eyebrow. "It's why you always come to me when you're being stupid and need someone to straighten you out." The felisian flips him off lazily, not bothering to hide the smile that contradicts it. "Go. Text me later." 

"Yeah, thanks," Jack says. He clambers awkwardly out of the beanbag chair, struggling against the shifting mass while Specs laughs unhelpfully. As soon as Jack's standing, he slaps his tail against Specs' face in retaliation. "Thanks for lettin' me crash."

Jack gets a handful of greetings as he leaves the dorm building, people who lived there last year recognizing him from how often the felisian was over to see Davey. It's a familiar path off campus to the nearest train station, and Jack could walk it in his sleep. The late January air is frigid, and Jack hunkers inside his coat against the breeze sweeping through the buildings. As much as he's never been fond of them, it's almost a welcome relief to get on the subway; it might be crowded and a barrage on his senses, but at least he's protected from the wind. 

At the stop before his, Jack hears the chirp of his phone in his pocket through the clatter of the train. The felisian digs his phone out curiously, but he's distracted by a slap against his tail. He glances over his shoulder and sees a middle-aged woman giving him an annoyed, condescending look. "If you'd keep your - appendages to yourself," she snips coolly. "Some of us are allergic to animals." 

Baring his teeth, Jack flattens his ears. "Considerin' the way you bullied into that seat even though that lady there's old 'nough to be your mom and looks exhausted, think youse the animal here," the felisian sneers. "And if we're gonna point fingers for gettin' smacked with stuff, ya hit me with your damn purse gettin' on, so you started it." 

The woman huffs imperiously. Jack pushes off the metal pole as the train starts to slow for his station. "Tip, lady," Jack adds, "drop the judgy-ness, you ain't center the universe." Feeling vindictive, the felisian finishes, "And should pro'lly drop the botox too." 

Ignoring the woman's insulted gasp, Jack steps off the subway train. He starts to wind his way through the crowd toward the stairs and lifts his phone to check the screen. There's a new text message blinking at the top, and he swipes it open. 

_> Davey: are you coming home?_

A small smile teases Jack's lips, a wave of relief rushing through him. It's good to know Davey misses him too. And hopefully this means he's calmed down enough to actually talk. Jack grins and texts back a quick " _OMW_ " and then picks up his pace. 

Although it is a little weird that Davey's home right now; he's got that political science class he's always complaining about this time of the morning. Maybe Davey was texting him from class? Just wanting to check that Jack would be home when he got back? Not that anyone would blame him for skipping class after having a rough night. Jack's definitely got no intention of going to his class later; he needs some R&R. 

Jack feels the response text come through just as he reaches their block, and he waits until he's in the elevator up to their floor to check it. 

_> Davey: you said I have to text_

Frowning, Jack stares at the message for a long second. What the hell does that mean? The elevator stops at the third floor to let out a couple, and Jack watches the screen waiting for the little speech bubble to come up because there must be a second part to that. They haven't spoken since last night; when would Jack have told Davey to text him?

The answer hits him right as the elevator starts grinding upward again, and Jack's stomach drops. _If it ever does happen, wouldja least text me or call or somethin'?_ When Davey had his last panic attack, Jack made Davey promise to tell him if it happened again. 

Jack squeezes out before the lift doors can even open all the way, snagging his tail on the metal edge, and sprints down the hall. His hands are shaking as he unlocks the door and practically falls inside. "Dave, you okay?" the felisian gasps out frantically. 

It only takes him a second to find Davey, curled up in a ball in yesterday's clothes in the middle of their bed. His phone is lying on the mattress beside him, and their kitten, Lucy, is sitting next to the pillow like she's keeping watch. Davey glances over his knees, and his eyes are red-rimmed, but they're at least focused and aware. 

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Jack asks, crossing carefully toward the bed. He crouches beside the mattress to put him level with Davey. "Talk to me." 

"It's okay," Davey answers hoarsely. "I'm not - I'm here. I just wanted you here too."

Jack exhales, relieved. "Good, okay, I'm here. Thanks for textin' me. I'm glad youse okay." 

Lip quivering, Davey flinches, and his eyes dart away. "I - I think you're right," he almost whispers. "I'm not okay." 

The felisian snaps his ears forward in shock. "What happened? You ain't hurt, right?" In response, Davey uncurls enough to slip his arms away from his chest, and he offers one out. Jack sees the problem immediately; the skin inside Davey's forearm is brilliantly red, an expansive patch of ruptured blood vessels beneath a smattering of short, ragged scratches. The felisian's chest seizes. "Was you-?" 

"I didn't mean to," Davey says hastily, and his eyes well with tears. "I didn't know. I was just thinking, and I was scared, and I didn't even know I did it 'til I woke up today."

"I'm so sorry, babe," Jack chokes out, closing Davey's hand in both of his. "Jesus, babe, I'm sorry. I shouldn'a left. Just - thought ya might want some space." 

Davey trembles, a full-body shudder. "I'm scared, Jacky." 

"Can I-?" Jack starts, gesturing to the bed, and Davey starts moving before he can finish the sentence. Davey scrambles into a sitting position, making room for Jack, and the moment the felisian sits down, Davey tucks into Jack's chest. Jack draws Davey into his lap, wrapping him up as much as he can around Davey's longer frame, and cradles him as he sobs. "Youse gonna be okay, babe, we'll figure it out," Jack murmurs, rocking slightly. "We're gonna take care of you. Together, 'kay?" 

"What's wrong with me?" Davey asks brokenly, face pressed into the felisian's collar. 

"Nothin' wrong with you," Jack counters. "You ain't done somethin' wrong." 

Davey huffs a hysterical laugh. "I scratched myself so much I bled, and I didn't even _notice!_ That's not normal!" 

"Okay, yeah, maybe it ain't normal, but it don't mean youse wrong somehow," the felisian says. "Lotsa folks got anxiety issues, ya know that. It don't make you bad. You just been dealin' with lots lately. We'll figure it out, 'kay, we'll getcha feelin' better." 

"I don't wanna be like this," Davey moans. "I hate this. I hate being weak." 

Jack shushes him, nuzzling his cheek against the top of Davey's hair. "Hey, we's talked about this. You ain't weak. So ya got anxiety problems, that's fine. Lots of folks do. So we'll figure out how to deal, just like youse been helpin' me when I get all depressed." 

"It's not the same, you don't go around hurting yourself." 

"My liver'd pro'lly argue that," Jack says with a soft huff. "Babe, before I met you, ya know what I did when I was feelin' like shit? I'd get totally shitfaced or stoned 'til I forgot why I was sad. Or I'd find the first hook-up I could see, 'cause I wanted to feel wanted. I don't gotta do that no more 'cause now I _know_ I'm wanted. Ya helped me see I got plenty of folks that really care 'bout me, even when I feel shitty." 

Davey sniffles and tightens his arms around Jack's chest. "I love you." 

"I know ya do," the felisian says. He presses a warm kiss to Davey's temple and flicks his tail around so it rests on Davey's ankle. "And I love you too. And I hate seein' you hurtin' like this. So can we talk 'bout it, figure out what we can do to help you not feel shitty?" Shivering, Davey makes a quiet, hiccuping noise, and then he nods against Jack's shoulder. 

"Thank you," Jack says sincerely, tension uncoiling in his spine. He reaches up and wipes at his own escaped tears. "But first, let's get your arms cleaned up, huh? Don't want ya gettin' an infection or something." The felisian waits for Davey to nod again before he starts to extract himself from around his boyfriend. Jack fetches the little first aid kit under the bathroom sink and a damp washcloth and comes back to kneel on the bed beside Davey. 

"Is it both arms?" Jack asks uncertainly, and Davey nods mutely. "M'kay, let's see it." Davey's motions are tentative as he lays his arms on his lap. Sure enough, both are dyed red with ruptured vessels, with clusters of proper scrapes in the middle where he must've been scratching hardest. Jack's known Davey does this when his anxiety gets out of control, but the last time didn't break the skin. 

Christ, how long was he at it? Did Davey sit up all night panicking and scratching at himself?

"Fuck, I shouldn'a left," the felisian says guiltily. "I'm so sorry, Dave." At the same time, a small part of Jack is almost grateful because at least it's finally made Davey accept he needs help. "'Kay, this might hurt a bit, gotta make sure it's clean." Jack scrubs the washcloth over the tender skin, paying extra attention to the open scratches. Davey bites his lip, but it doesn't completely muffle the pained whimper. "Sorry," Jack mutters again, reaching into the kit for the Neosporin. He keeps his touch light and tender as he smooths it onto the scratches.

When Jack pulls out the roll of medical bandaging, Davey raises a perplexed eyebrow. "Spot made me this kit, so ya know it's gonna have a bit of everythin'," Jack responds with a grin. "Got shit in here I ain't ever gonna need. Pretty sure there's even an epi-pen in here even though I ain't got anythin' worse than hayfever sometimes. You allergic to anythin'?" he adds curiously. 

"Shellfish," Davey admits. 

"Really?" the felisian asks, surprised, as he starts wrapping the bandage along Davey's forearm. "How we been together this long, and I dunno that?" 

Davey shrugs. "Hasn't really come up. When can college kids like us afford to eat that fancy?" 

Jack laughs, grateful Davey at least feels up to talking again. "Eh, that's a good point. Well, least now we got that pen in case of a lobster uprisin'." Davey snorts, rolling his eyes. "What? Ya never know, it could happen. World's weird as shit. All those science experiments they do on animals nowadays. Could end up like _Planet of the Apes_ , 'cept with giant lobsters." 

"You've been watching too many of those shitty Syfy channel movies," Davey responds in amusement. 

"Hey, _Sharknado_ is a masterpiece, and ya know it," the felisian argues. "Don't pretend ya didn't think so." Davey giggles under his breath, and Jack moves on to his other arm with a pleased smile.

"Where did you go last night?" Davey asks softly. "You didn't go all the way out to Brooklyn, did you?"

Jack huffs. "Ya think Spot's is a good place to chill when I'm upset?" he asks rhetorically. "Last time you and me fought, Spot punched me, 'member?" Davey winces. "Nah, went and broke into Specs' room, made sad kitty noises until he paid attention to me. Ya know, since you don't live there no more, I really forgot how fuckin' awful those dorm beds are."

"They were pretty bad," Davey agrees. "And small. We never would've fit if you aren't such an octopus." 

The felisian gasps in mock offense. "I prefer koala, thank ya." 

"So I'm what, a tree?" Davey asks, arching an eyebrow. Jack opens his mouth, and Davey immediately speaks over him, "Oh God, do not make any 'climb him like a tree' jokes." 

"Well now I don't gotta, you made it for me," Jack points out. The felisian ties off the bandage and secures it with a loop of medical tape. "There ya go, all wrapped up nice, you'll be better in no time." Davey fidgets uncertainly, so Jack leans in to sneak a kiss. "I'm put this stuff 'way. Ya wanna drink or somethin'?" Unsurprisingly, Davey shrugs noncommittally. 

Jack packs the first aid kit back to the bathroom and then heads to the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water, then fetches the bottle of juice from the fridge and pours a big glass for Davey. When he's carrying it back to the bed, Davey spots the drink and gives a timid smile. "I don't get how ya like this stuff," Jack says as he hands the juice to him. 

"It's apple juice, Jack, lots of people like it," Davey says, a familiar argument by now. 

"No, it's vaguely apple-flavored sugar-water," Jack counters. "And it looks like piss." 

Davey snorts into the glass, splashing droplets up onto his cheeks. "Thanks for that," he says, wiping his face with a hand. "Alright, Mr. Picky Eater, would you try it if we found some organic brand that doesn't add sugar?" 

"Hmm, maybe," Jack concedes. "Still looks like piss though." Davey mutters 'idiot' under his breath fondly. Jack takes a long swallow of water and clears his throat. "Look, Dave, 'bout last night - I'm sorry, I shouldn'a shouted. And for what I said. Was a dick move." 

Glaring at his lap determinedly, Davey worries at his lip. "I'm sorry too. For yelling. And I know - I don't think you're really trying to be better than me. I know you just wanna help." 

Jack sets his glass on the nightstand and scoots closer, sweeping his tail around so it taps against Davey's knee. It's one of those little things Davey loves - he likes being one of the only people allowed to touch Jack's tail - and it puts a small smile on Davey's face as he reaches down to stroke the fur. Jack sighs and braces himself. "But Dave, what we were talkin' about last night, ya know we gotta figure this out, right? You're makin' yourself sick tryna do all this at once." 

Davey flinches, but he doesn't stop petting Jack's tail, so at least he's not recoiling. "I thought I could do it," he mutters sadly. "I want - I wanna prove I can do it. Be strong enough to balance everything." 

"Too bad there's only so many hours in a day, huh?" Jack offers lightly. "With everythin' you do, you need one them Harry Potter time necklaces to keep up." Davey makes a small, amused noise. "Seriously, babe, you're takin' six full-time classes and still workin' like twenty hours a week. You don't got time to sleep. Youse been losin' weight - yeah, I noticed. Youse always been skinny, but not like now." 

"It's not a lot," Davey counters furtively. 

"Doesn't matter. Youse supposed to be the smart one remindin' me I gotta eat, remember?" Jack teases to soften the tension because he can see Davey's walls creeping up again. "I'm not good at bein' a grown-up, I need you for that. Otherwise, I'mma live off Oreos and youse gonna live off coffee and then we're both screwed." 

"Okay, I get it," Davey says with a faint smile. "So maybe I haven't been eating the best." He holds up his empty juice glass, and Jack helpfully sets it on the nightstand with his. Sighing, Davey shuffles closer until he can drop his forehead against Jack's shoulder, still combing Jack's tail with his fingers distractedly. "People are gonna think I'm a failure." 

Jack scoffs, flitting his ears. "First off, people can go fuck themselves," he says, prompting another tiny laugh from his boyfriend. "And second, you're not a failure. Jesus, the kids who go to school full-time and don't gotta work at all still have a hard time keepin' up. You do it, get fuckin' awesome grades, and ya work and babysit me on top of it."

"Babysit?" Davey shoots back wryly, and although Jack can't see it, he can practically hear the raised eyebrow. 

"What? I know I'm a handful," the felisian responds, shrugging shallowly so he doesn't dislodge Davey. Jack exhales and ducks his head to nose gently at Davey's hair. "I miss you, babe. We live together, and I feel like we still never see each other. And I know it's not just you, we're both busy, we both got our own stuff, but when's the last time we got to just, ya know, have a date or something?" 

"I thought - if I could just get ahead on my homework, I could have time for me," says Davey. "I just - can't get ahead. I'm barely hanging on." He chokes a distressed noise. "I never finished that assignment from last night, the one due today. And I skipped class. And I should be pissed, but I'm just so fucking tired."

Jack hums a sad noise, nuzzling his cheek against Davey again. He reaches across with the arm Davey isn't using as a headrest and rubs his leg comfortingly. "I know, I'm sorry. But we're gonna figure this out. We're a team, 'member? We gonna fix this together." 

Sniffling, Davey stops petting Jack's tail long enough to wipe his eyes. "This is so stupid. Why can't I just - I dunno." 

"'Cause you're human?" Jack suggests, and Davey huffs a thin laugh. "So look, I was thinkin' about last night, and I got an idea. Hear me out, 'kay? I know ya don't wanna cut back hours at work, but I was thinkin', what if we sorta trade off?" 

Davey lifts his head, shooting Jack a dubious look. "Trade off?"

"Yeah, so maybe, you cut back your hours this semester, so you got more time for school, and I can pick up more since I don't have as many classes," the felisian explains. When he sees Davey gearing up to argue, Jack barrels on, "And then in the summer, we trade. You add more hours at work since ya won't have classes to worry 'bout, and that'll give me time to take the class I had to drop this term. And can maybe spend some more time on my paintin'." 

That catches Davey's interest, and his eyebrows shoot up, surprised and curious. "You want to get back into your painting more? I didn't know that." 

Jack chuckles. "Neither did I 'til last summer when you were gone. Didn't realize how much I missed gettin' to do it lots. And I mean, I know I didn't make tons'a money, but it was kinda cool knowin' folks liked my stuff 'nough to pay for it, ya know? Like, I still ain't gonna do that for a livin' or anything, I wanna do my social work stuff, but it's nice to have time for art too." 

"That's really great, Jacky," Davey says, a genuine warmth flooding his face. "You know I love your paintings. And you're really good, and the whole world should know that." 

The felisian ducks his head, but he knows it's not doing much to hide the blush crawling up his neck. "Well, I dunno 'bout that, but thanks." Twining his hand with Davey's, Jack glances up to meet his gaze again. "So whaddya think? Sound fair? I'll take care of rent this term, and then you can do it summer. That way, it ain't like one'a us is pullin' more weight, we're just takin' turns, right?" 

It's easy to see Davey rolling the idea around in his head, gnawing at his lower lip while he considers it. Practicality fighting with Davey's ingrained resistance to accepting help. Jack leaves him to it, just stroking his thumb over his boyfriend's knuckles and waiting. Pushing never does any good; Davey always takes a while to decide on these kinda things, going over every angle, and trying to rush him makes him default to instinct. Giving him time makes it more likely the logic will wear him down. 

"I - uh, well - I mean, I guess I could drop some hours at work," Davey concedes hesitantly. "I'm not gonna quit, but I can see if the boss will let me drop a night or two. You sure you're okay to take more hours at the Banner?" 

"Easily," Jack assures him. "Without that Diversity class I wanted to take, I got tons of free time. Been spendin' a lot of mornings just layin' around the apartment bein' lonely. Well, lonely 'cept my shadow," he amends, nodding toward the little black kitten currently fast asleep on Davey's pillow. It seems like now that Jack's here to take care of Davey, the little guardian fluff is officially off-duty. 

Davey quirks a smile at the napping furball. "And then after term ends, you'll drop your hours down?"

"Fo'sure," the felisian agrees. "We ain't as busy in summer anyway, ain't gonna be a problem. And that way, I can take a class or two so I don't gotta jam pack my classes for fall term." 

"And you can paint," Davey adds with another soft smile. 

"And I can paint up a fuckin' storm," Jack says, laughing. 

Davey grins and sets his cheek on Jack's shoulder again. "I love watching you paint." 

"I mean, ya know it gets hot in here in the summer. Could paint naked, give ya even more a show." Davey laughs, slapping Jack's chest half-heartedly. "So, sound like a plan?" 

Davey takes a slow, deep breath, and Jack waits hopefully. "Yeah. Yeah, we could do that." 

Jack's so relieved he feels a little light-headed, and he immediately bundles Davey into his arms. "Cool. Good. Thank ya." He purrs eagerly as Davey returns the hug. "See, toldja, we could figure this out. You and me's a good team." 

"We're a good team," Davey agrees with a quiet laugh. He leans heavily into Jack's chest, head tucked into the juncture of his neck and shoulder, and the felisian can practically feel the exhaustion rolling off him in waves. Truth be told, Jack could use a nap too. 

"Cuddle nap?" Jack suggests. Davey giggles and nods against the felisian's shoulder. Grinning, Jack snags the bedspread where it's bunched at the foot of the bed and drags it up over them both. With Davey's anxiety still high, Jack is expecting to spoon around Davey, but his boyfriend surprises him by stretching out on his back like normal. Davey smiles and nods toward his shoulder pointedly. 

Jack hums and curls himself along Davey's side, nestling his head into that hollow of Davey's shoulder that always feels like it fits him perfectly. The felisian hooks a leg over Davey's, an arm across his chest, and tail on his waist. "Koala," Jack murmurs deliberately. 

Davey laughs and rubs circles into the base of Jack's ear. "Octopus." 

They lapse into a comfortable quiet, snuggled up together under the blankets, but Jack can't fall asleep. His mind is still racing, a worry nagging at him until he finally gets the nerve to voice it. "Davey? I know we got this one figured, but what 'bout next time? This," he brushes his fingers over the bandage around Davey's forearm, "ya can't-"

"I'm gonna make an appointment with a campus counselor," Davey interrupts. Surprised, Jack glances up at him. Davey's voice is tight, and his eyes squeezed shut like it physically hurt him, but his jaw has that determined set he gets when he's made up his mind. "I don't - I mean, I don't know how it's gonna go or whatever, but you're right. I hurt myself, and I didn't even know, and that scares the shit outta me."

Jack deflates, hopelessly relieved. "Okay, yeah, that's good," he says gratefully. "Can't hurt to see what they say, ya know?" 

Exhaling, Davey shrugs. "I guess. I just - God, I really wanted to never go to a shrink again." When Jack glances up curiously, Davey elaborates, "My parents made me go a couple times after that guy from high school." 

The felisian huffs and tightens his grip around Davey protectively. "Oh, that ass." 

Davey snorts. "Yeah, him." 

"Therapy ain't that bad," Jack says. "I went for years. Helped me lots after Ma took me in. S'kinda why I wanna do social work, ya know?" 

"I always just felt even worse after," Davey admits. "It was like - there was already this big hole in me, and he just kept stabbing at it more. Just made me keep talking about it over and over, saying how things work out the way they're supposed to and it'll get better. Stupid stuff like that. My parents let me stop going after a couple months because I kept getting worse instead of better." 

Jack scoffs, flicking his ears. "Sounds like you had a shit therapist. That ain't gonna help no one. Everyone knows it'll get better eventually, don't gotta pay someone to tell ya that. S'posed to help ya figure out how to get to that point when things don't suck anymore." 

With an amused noise, Davey combs through Jack's hair fondly. "I don't need a therapist when I've got you, clearly." 

"Flirt," Jack responds. He pushes up onto his elbows so he can see Davey better. "For real, though, babe, it'll help. Sometimes ya just gotta hear it from somebody else, ya know? Someone that ain't so - invested. And someone ya don't gotta go home and sleep with afterward." Davey snorts a laugh. "If it'll help, ya want me to go with? Like, not in, of course. But that way, if youse sad after or somethin', I can be there." 

"Maybe," Davey says noncommittally. He bites his lip and meets Jack's gaze. "I'll think about it," he says, and it's more genuine. "Not sure yet. I'll let you know when it gets closer?" 

"Sounds good," the felisian agrees. He dips in for a kiss before settling back down into the bed. "Whatever's gonna make you feel better. I hate seein' you hurtin'." 

"I know," Davey responds, tipping his head to kiss Jack between the ears. Pleased, Jack snuggles up against his boyfriend's side and closes his eyes. The feeling is starting to become more familiar and comfortable now as Jack shifts his breathing so that it vibrates through his ribcage. Davey's hand immediately stills in Jack's hair. "You don't have to do that, Jacky." 

"I like to," the felisian counters. "I don't mind, and I know how much you like it. I like knowing I can do somethin' that makes you happy. Ya know, just like how you always scratch that spot below my ear that feels good." He shifts his head until Davey's fingers bump against the base of his ear pointedly. Davey chuckles and obligingly starts rubbing circles into the bundle of nerve and muscle there. 

"I missed you last night," Jack adds softer. "Missed this. I ain't gonna leave again. Promise. Don't care if youse mad at me or we's fighting'. I'mma stay 'til we figure it out, 'kay? I'm never gonna leave you alone when youse upset, never 'gain." 

Davey nods, long fingers tracing over Jack's arm where it's draped across his chest. "But what if I want you to leave me alone?" he asks, but there's no real emotion behind it. Jack can tell Davey's just poking. 

"Too bad so sad for you, pal," Jack counters playfully. "Should'a thought of that 'fore ya went and made me fall for ya. Now youse stuck, sucks to be you." Davey laughs and flicks the tip of Jack's ear before going back to scratching it. "Hmm, now I dunno 'bout you, but I'm fuckin' tired. Gettin' too old for sleepin' in bean bag chairs." 

"Yeah, so old," Davey responds teasingly. He lays his arm down on top of Jack's and exhales slowly. "Yeah, sleep sounds good. Just - don't let me sleep too late, or we won't be able to sleep tonight." 

Jack grins, nuzzling into Davey's ribs. "No promises."


End file.
